Narrator : Me , good ol’ abbulugadu …reproducing what Subbu told me after his suicide attempt
Die ! She shouted at him ! amidst a bucketful of tears.
“Ridiculous !” Subbu wondered “She always lets loose on me whenever she gets angry.I treat her like a little baby and never said anything.But,for the first time, I snap , scold and shout , she acts like someone stole her ….ok shut up! Do you even need to think about this?”
His girlfriend walked away, stooping and crying with fainted breaths.” She does that when she is unable to control her hurt, her humiliation, her wounded pride”. He felt evil.He felt bad-ass.He was immersed in the sadistic pleasure of dominating the situation.And he didn’t regret it.He felt she deserved it. “Its done I knew I would be okay even without her.Yucks ! What the hell was I thinking an year ago when I proposed.Soul mate and all katte ?? Yucks !!”
Later they talked to each other on the phone for one last round of verbal projectiles. “A girl’s sorrow is not seen unpaid for You shall suffer and then will realize how much I loved you.You are not the one I loved. The boy I loved is dead. ” And she hung up ….
Subbu thought … “blah blah blah” .
“BLAH BLAH BLAH “!!!Those were the only words he could think of .He didn’t want to think about her. It was done.Its over. He forciby told himslf that he always thought he never loved her.Why did he date her then? Because I just wanted some girl friend Goddamnit he told himself “Bloody image management !?!?!”
“Is that a curse ?” He asked himself …
“You shall suffer …” She said !! It kept ringing in his ears. But he seemed perfectly fine overall. “David Baldocci would be proud of me … I am not weak … I am stone cold in her context” These thoughts gave him a dark-sided feeling of absolute machismo.
He looked at his brand new flip top Nokia cell. It had a red light which indicated new messages and calls coming in.
Gosh ! He was so proud of owning it and hers was the first number he dialed when he bought it a month ago. 99% (I think it was 99.5% as claimed by Subhash, but who bloody cares about statistics) of the calls were from her.And now they became even more unmissed by him because of that red light!!! It glew and it was eye-candy, the salvation when he was away from her. Messages, phone calls, missed calls … what not !!At an average of a call/msg per hour when they were awat from each other …
It was in silent mode now.Noways, he went off to sleep.A couple of hours later, he woke up in his room.the dingy little room in the first floor of the Old Boys Hostel.He rushed to the loo.And returned only to find the red light glowing.
An urge surged through him , like electricity! He wanted to pick up the cell and call her back! Perhaps, I feel, he impulsively felt the pain of being seperated from a girl he until the fight, thought, was his soul.
Then again .. he shouted at himself “What ? Call the ***** back ? No frigging way I wont” He lambasted himself. But the urge , the instinct pushed him, pushed him to pick up the phone and flick the flip top open.There was nothing, no missed call.
He closed it back!It was ok now.He called a friend of his and asked him to give him a missed call.To check if the red light is faulty.But it seemed fine.
But why did it glow back then ….
(to be continued … )