Monthly Archives: October 2009

The Marathe Syndrome

Foreword:

The author gives this peculiar thing this tag for he doesnt know what else to call it.

Prof. Lyn Chat of IIM-C psychoanalytical excellence fame would allude this whole state to the shadow concept. An inner subconscious state of oneself which stays away from one’s awareness.

.

Anyway … the introspective blah apart, here’s what happened …

The musings

The path from office at Prabhadevi (Mumbai) to Wadala East (Mumbai) is around 8 KM . Generally  it would be best to take a cab and get back home in a jiffy (well ..around 20-25 min actually! a relativistic “jiffy” , considering the a**-paining Mumbai traffic)

But then I chose to walk …walk back from office. Then  I wondered why I am doing it…

Fitness ?

Not at all! I do go to the gym, run et al, get my share of rationally recommended exercise.

So whats the point in dragging a tired work-beaten body across the polluted , over-crowded roads of Mumbai where every second passer-by makes it a point consciously or sub-consciously to make you think he’s going to spit his red paan on you…

Eye-candy ?

Yeah right ! The path goes via Dadar where you find super-fat aunties in super-fatter dresses wrestling away with the moving vehicles.

Mumbai streets would hardly match upto the Saturday night club areas of Europe, would they ? 😛

Observe the many slums ..social worker style?

I do feel bad for the poor. I mourn their poverty amidst cruel civil disparity. In spite of a growing economy. And Mumbai is full of them. But I am no Mahatma. I confess that I don’t fancy walking along slums. Sadly,at that moment, my instinctive annoyance at the shabbiness of slums along the road and irritation of the stench overpowers any sense of mourning for the poor.

Frugally saving some bucks ?

Hmm ! I can surely afford a cab , pretty far away from bankruptcy at present 🙂

Then why …

The old, wise and slightly twisted English genius, Prof. Marathe, who taught us English when I was 17 , once said,

“Everything seems at least close to “fine” in life. Distant Memories  and unseen paranoia apart, you have no obvious/practical reason at the moment to feel worried. Its all in place But yet, you want to think , think of nothing per se, but think in a way a gloomy worry-laden man would be lost in thoughts.”

That is the Marathe Syndrome! A subtle episode in your cognition which is not exactly explainable by any level of determinism. But when one just prefers to walk because it increases one’s time to think, about nothing yet everything ….

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Dialogue of the day: (from the feature film, Kingdom of Heaven)

Balian of Ibelin: What is Jerusalem worth?
Saladin: Nothing.
[
walks away a good deal, then turns back and rolls his slightly raised hands in fists]
Saladin: Everything!


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Blue skies and seas

Blue! Arguably India’s most expensive Bollywood movie to date, is just another Kambhakt Ishq with action thrown in.  Tons of flamboyance, all the dude dom in the world, white-goatee sporting Akshay Kumar, obese Sanjay Dutt, stuttering Zayed Khan,  sleazy super-bimbo Lara Dutta, hyper-squeaking Rahul Dev and absolutely mediocre movie quality.

The plot

As far as the story is concerned its a treasure hunt and the reasons &  mysteries behind it.

The action

Most of the more expensive action sequences, adventure scenes are in no way related to the story line.

The characters

The first half dwells too much on the build up. For instance, Aarav aka Sarkar (Akshay Kumar) ‘s lavish, flamboyant life style and his playboy image ( this trait of AK has been drained dry in almost all of his recent movies). Or Zayed Khan trying to do a fast and furious in his introduction.He does a decent  job but compared to the originals like Vin Diesel, he comes across as a a little, pansy, nipple-sucking infant! Then there’s a face-off inspired scene between Akshay Kumar and Sanjay Dutt where they are in a ‘friendly’ boxing match.

Lara Dutta is wasted in a role which just calls for her to wear a bikini and show off her figure.  Of course, going by the popular perception of her acting prowess, she wouldn’t be able to do anything else anyway.

Zayed Khan, Rahul Dev (who sounds like a super mutated squirrel in the movie), Katrina Kaif are just there ! I mean just there to create a false feeling  that the director is adding value to a useless story line.

The faux pas

Hmm…talking of Sanjay Dutt, that brings  the author to  be a little cruel …

  1. He looks like Lara Dutta’s grandfather. Had to prevent myself from puking when the supposedly titillating duet  between Lara Dutta and Sanjay Dutt came up.
  2. Fine ! There are older actors like Salman Khan too who prance around with pretty young things. But at  least, the likes of Salman Khan look like actions heroes with all those muscles et al. Sanjay Dutt looks like an old boob-job with a paunch too evident not to notice 😦 . Totally out of place for this movie.
  3. Look at the poster below … need someone explicitly explain why Sanjay Dutt is turning the other way??  To hide his paunch of course

Of course Sanjay Dutt’s acting is good any day. But an action pop-corn fare that relies more on the action sequences, with little scope for showing acting skills …. doesn’t exactly call for an old man (who looks too tired to even talk)  do super man stuff!

…..

Faux pas …geographic

According to the initial plot, the treasure was supposed to be shipped from UK to India.Thanks to a storm it gets lost in the Bahamas (the Carri bean) . Now ..now! How the heck did it get washed away to the other side of the world.

The shipping route from UK to India is across the Mediterranean which is thousands of miles away from the carribean, Well ! Just because the Bahamas make for a cool tourist location for film shooting ? Idiots!

x-x-x

All in all, go watch it if its being screened in an IMAX screen thats not too far away from home. And only if you just want a partial-kick experience at times of absolute fursat (boredom). But if you miss it, you wouldn’t really be missing something worthwhile.

The MUMBAIkar saga Episode 7: Midnight Marine ‘Drive’

It was a night lived in the true spirit of randomness . To add some variety to the read , lets cut it down to 55-word fragments (like 55 fiction ) and then see all the individual episodes converge towards one common climax  ( viva la Tarantino  !!  )

Episode 1 : The work place (4:30 PM, Location: Prabha devi)

The boss had a couple of deliverables on me. And I had one hour. It was a Thursday, not even the weekend exactly. The intercom rang and RB yelled in it, “Midnight buffet ke liye chale ?!”

“F off motha f*****!  Khaam vaam nahin hain kya?”

Episode 2: The girl friend (8:30 PM, Location: cyberspace)

SM turned off the engine to his brand new Yamaha super bike. Finally he reached home. A state of blissful sleep awaited . He didn’t bloody care about anything else in the world. Then she called,

“You don’t love me anymore ! You didn’t call every 20 min today”

He took a puffed breath, “Because you stink even over the phone, c**t!” And he hung up, tired! Just tired !

Episode 3 : The workout (8:45 PM, Location: Wadala)

“Why don’t you work out in the mornings? Are you oiling your hair ? Are you coming for your cousin’s grandma’s sister’s grandson’s wedding next month in Anakapalli ” mom shouted over the blue tooth.

“Uh —- huh —- eh !” I retorted, too  miffed while doing the 4th push up , at the same time, adoring the fabulous derrière of the lady in the track suit.

A few moments later,  was walking back to the flat , too tired to talk or think ….

Episode 4: The marriage(8:45 pm , Location: Marine drive)

“Beta! Shaadi kar le ab” instructed RB’s dad over the phone.

“Arre ! I am working in Mumbai and she in Delhi! Let me first get posted to Delhi. Please think before you command , pitaji !”

“Usko maa baap ka phikar nahin hain 😦 ” he heard his mom wailing beside his dad.

“Qayamat aajayega kya !?!?” he said and hung up.

Episode 5: Co-incidence and providence (11:00 PM, Location: brains of three fellas)

RB was lying drunk at Not Just jazz by the bay“Shaadi shaadi shaadi !  Prob kya hain sab ki” he thought

SM woke up sweating thanks to a night mare where his just-dumped girlfriend castrated him.

I finished puking over the television screen because of something I don’t remember at all.

Then we called one another.

Episode 6: Marine ‘Drive’  (11:30 PM – 4:00 AM)

Let me drive , man! I told SM from the back seat as he super-biked from Wadala to Marine Drive (two different corners of Mumbai)

“Go get your bike , puke meister ” he yelled against the pace of the blowing wind.

RB started from the pub and had to walk 30.23 meters to the midnight buffet place. He was too drunk to win his race against his hallucinated snail

Finally, we reached, sat and ate …

Epilogue (Today morning…or rather sometime between morning and noon)

“Why are you so late to work? Don’t you know you have quite some work!” asked the three different reporting managers to three different fellows  ….