The MUMBAIkar saga Episde 8: October Octogenarian

There is this  80-something beggar I bump into everyday as I leave for work. A crude old man with a pretty distinctively long beard Often reminded me of Gandalf when Gandlaf was still Gandalf the Grey)

Anyway, days pass without me ever batting an eyelid or turning to him to give him the alms he asked for everyday . Until the previous day, when at the behest of a particularly good mood,  I stopped and ransacked my bag for some paltry change. Following 2 excruciating minutes of frantic rupee-coin searching, I handed him a rupee. Something, (I thought), that would be treated like the holy grail

But he looked at the coin, looked back at me and said

Abey behenc***d! Itne din ke baad sirf ek rupai ? Isse tho vada pav bhi nahin milega mujhe

(Translation: Sistah-f***er !! After all these days , just a rupee? I wont even get vada pav with this !! )

I kept staring and he walked away …..

The curious case of the Blackberry B****

DISCLAIMER: A post in good honest jest. Though the author maintains that any resemblance to real life characters is purely intentional 😛 . Co incidential resemblances to the below description might feel bad and angry , but all it shall lead to in your amazingly stupid heads is what an Indian would call *dhimaag kharab* 🙂 God bless you!

Blackberry B**** (BB): the definition

Defined as the lady who has a blackberry thanks to her incredibly rich/hard working daddy or an adoring/caring boy friend. These specimen have an incredibly ridiculous propensity to get so warm, cuddly and sticky with their blackberry devices, that would put even a gadget loving geek to shame. The twist !? Well … its just a show piece for them, they have hardly any idea how to use it.  🙂

Example 1: Scene   – Party at the ghostrunner`s place

So the author invites his friends home over a weekend and they get along some of their friends too. Who in turn get their friends of friends . So all good and sundry.

But then turns up this little lady who must hardly be in her twenties, .  the one that belongs to the notorious class of proverbial mumbai bimbos

Yup she had a black berry. She just can`t get the names of 90 percent of the apps in the device.

BB: You know my device was given to me by daddy. Oooh I love my daddy! It has so many applications

Me:  Your daddy or the blackberry ?

BB: Whaaat ?

Me: No no  … I meant, thats nice! What apps does it have ? 🙂

BB: oooh naah ! You know I mean …  duh ! Err you know  … My daddy is soo coool. Its the latest blackberry model you know. Yeah ! All my friends just have a nokia which I think is not cool you know.

(The blackberry makes a sound )Hey I got a message  on my black berry … yipeee ! Oh its just an ad. Shucks … I thought it was one of my friends you now … btw my backberry is so cool …I like it more than my teddy …uh huh …

Me: oh ! What of the apps!  I am sure the time table manager is a lot of help and you can also go over to ovi store with the wi-fi on your phone. Then you can download almost anything. That must be pretty cool right. Not to mention the amazing compatibility any app has with the blackberry.

BB: Oh yeah …all that too .. but the important thing is my black berry is so cool and it looks so cool. Not many have a black berry in India you know … and my daddy is so cool …. thanks to my daddy I have a black berry …yipeee !!

Me: Let me see it . I can show you the wonderful / entertaining / constructive stuff you can use it for. You can also log onto  this site

(I write it down http://na.blackberry.com/eng/developers/appworld/faq.jsp )

And you can see how well it can be a very nice multipurpose device.

BB: Oh yeah yeah ! All that yes ! But you don`t get the point you know … I mean you really don`t get the point that is important . Let me put it this way … the point is that …. hey !!! Why are you going off to sleep ! Yes you are … you are yawning …. you are disrespecting me and my important point about the black berry …. x(

Me: Oh sorry !  Please go ahead …

BB/ The point is you know … well …its just that my blackberry is so cool and its classy and its you know …the point is  …. ( her phone rings again) Hey ! Its another messgae on my black berry …yipee !!!

(Its another ad) Well ! The point is you know what I said …thats the point … heehehe

Me: But whaaat is the point lady ?

BB: Hey you know what ? Got to go …its getting late … I am surprised you dont know anything about it …well I will explain it to you later on the phone  …. no not on the phone  …on my black berry  … hehehe …yipeee ! 😀 Bye

x_x_x_x

End of conversation. I got nothing out of what she said about the black berry.

Example 2: Scene : Gold Gym in bandra

Rich neighbour aunty at the gym: Hey Harish. So how was your party ?

Me: Guess what! I talked to this amusingly stupid black berry b**** !

Lady: Oh yes! Dont tell me; I know that breed …. it is hard to imagine that they are so ridiculous  … they don`t know anything about the black berry;Yet these bimbos just flaunt it like they would flaunt an expensive Chanel hand bag.

Me: Well ! I see you are acquainted with this species :p

Lady: Oh yes they are so superficial and annoying. On the other hand, check out my new iphone 4! Its so cool you know …duh err …I mean its soo cool …and the important point is  …

Me : Oh no ! Please …..

_______ Ghost Runner __________

A tribute to all BBs

I dont have brains

I don`t know shit

But I am the black berry b****

oh yeah ! I am the black berry b****

I see all the ads

and shout so high

I dont know apps

but I know they exist

I know its got eee mail

but i cant set it up

I say its cool

But i am such a fool

I  am the blackberry b****

Oh yeah ! I am the black berry b****

I dont have brains

I don`t know shit

I am the  blqckberry b****

Oh yeah! I am the blackberry b****