Category Archives: cooking and recipes

The hakka warrior and the horses of death

FOREWORD

Dedicated to Baba Ramdev!

Not for the (un)successful phenomenon related to his political, moral, philosophical or social drama, but for his ability to go hungry for long durations.

THE STORY

He strode into his home … messy, dark and claustrophobic …

He was sweaty, tired, sore in the muscles and felt like Edward Norton’s character in fight club. Courtesy the kickboxing class.

He tried to sleep …but could not. His stomach was rumbling like horses trotting in an ancient blood bath in the colloseum. The trot promised to acoustically mutate into a full fledged battle-hungry gallop if he didnt do something about his raging hunger.

He decided to cancel the dinner-cancellation plan. The dread of the thought. The thought of the  horse-galloping sound of his  hungry stomach. He dragged his feet to the fridge and all there was an old packet of hakka noodles.

‘Blast! I forgot to re fill the food supplies in the house’ he cursed himself .

The hakka packet stood there , tempting him like Helen of Troy. He was no Paris.In fact he considered himself more on the lines of Hector. Oh pas de quoi …

So he drew the battle lines. It was like the battle of red cliff (the very Chinese movie playing that same moment on TV in English with a weird dubbing in an Indian accent!!)

Now the thing about cooking hakka noodles out of a hakka noodles packet is that it is not like cooking maggi noodles. It is not that easy. No wonder there is no 2 minute noodles  campaign with the hakka noodles packet.

The mutation in the stomach began! The horses were no mere horses anymore. Their rumbling in his stomach thundered at that moment. With a strength akin to causing lateral reverberatory pounding on his already injured ribs. Already injured courtesy the kick boxing class

Anyway he set about doing it the maggi way. It took long in the micro wave maybe too long, like the good guy and military general  Zu *what the fuck ever* in the then playing Red cliff movie waits for the South wind (makes his army’s arrows reach the enemy army’s ships) way too long. Way too long in the final *how the fuck* epic battle

Finally they cooked.They looked like this

‘Not bad’ he thought.’It would taste like paper or papyrus which ever tastes worst. Something is better than nothing. Better puny and lightly armed pikemen fight the galloping-horses than puny unarmed lungi men!’  He re thought his analogy and scoffed at it. He was going nuts. Courtesy the  galloping-horses.

And then it dawned. Like the South wind finally blew in the climax of  Red Cliff, like Gandalf came with the Roherriem in the climax of the The Two Towers(LOTR 2), like Rocky Balboa got up for one more round throughout the Rocky series, like Xiao Dre stood up for one more time in The Karate Kid, he saw this in the fridge in a corner, long forgotten …

Even the mother allusion on the sticker supported his allusion of the messiah arriving. So he mixed it up with the papyrus (hakka noodles) in the bowl.

Then, finally, it tasted ok! The horses had been sent in retreat. The battle had been won

xxxxxTHE ENDxxxxxxx

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Of mouth watering, home-made, self-made stuff

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